


Police Stations at 3am

by Tairulz



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair (Dangan Ronpa), Attempt at Humor, F/M, Humor, M/M, Multi, Pairings are only implied, Police, Squad Interrogation Fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-04
Updated: 2018-08-04
Packaged: 2019-06-21 12:43:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,108
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15557961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tairulz/pseuds/Tairulz
Summary: The squad gets arrested at 3amThis is their attempt to recreate what happened.





	Police Stations at 3am

**Author's Note:**

> This was a random thing I decided to do, so I really hope it’s turned out well
> 
> Based on a “They all get interrogated and tell hilarious but completely contradictory stories” or however the original worded it lol. But yeah so that’s basically what I’m doing here (or at least trying).
> 
> Most of this chapter is going to be written in a script like form.
> 
> Ps. They’re all in separate rooms.
> 
> Hope you all enjoy

“Kokichi Ouma, Shuichi Saihara, Rantaro Amami, and Kaede Akamatsu, you’ve all been arrested for breaking into a clothing store at three o’clock this morning. What do you all have to say to that?”

… … 

Kokichi: So my beloved Saihara wakes me up at like two in the morning right? I wake up to him squirming in our bed and he says he has work to do. I personally wanted to go back to sleep, but no my _darling_ wants to do work and insists we all have to come help investigate.

Kaede: It’s actually really funny how quickly Shuuichi wakes up to the smell of coffee, no matter where he is or who’s made it. One time he was half awake and thought I’d made a blackberry flavoured coffee, but it was actually just me trying to cover the smell with a candle so he wouldn’t wake up. But early this morning turns out we’re all out of coffee.

Shuuichi: So it all started when Kokichi starts squawking about wanting curry noodles, I mean do those even exist? It doesn’t matter. But let me tell you, when he fake cries, he fake cries _loudly_. So even though nobody else wants to, it’s quicker to shut him up so we can all get it over with and go back to sleep.

Rantaro: First of all, I am completely innocent in this adventure. Second of all, it’s all Kokichi’s fault. He’s the one that bet me I wouldn’t look good in this pink sweater we saw in a store window. Definitely not the one we were accused of breaking into, by the way. 

Shuuichi: So we all take the bus

Kaede: And even though my car was almost out of gas, being the good friend I am, I wanted to help. So-

Rantaro: It was an annoyingly long walk, halfway through Kokichi all but demanded Shuuichi give him a piggyback ride

Kokichi: And everyone else insisted on getting a train! That would have taken hours, so, being the genius and generous friend I am, I remind them all that unless we want to spend all day sleeping, we should walk. Shuuichi wouldn’t carry me, the meanie.

Kaede: I love my friends and all, but I was really tired and I wanted to sleep. So I suggested we just get some cheap time from a convenience store, and then we can all go get something else later.

Shuuichi: But then Kokichi tried to jump on Rantaro’s back for a piggyback ride

Kaede: Then we could have all just driven home, and got some sleep. But then Rantaro tripped over, accidentally ripping my shirt

Kokichi: -I’d told Kaede to stop walking near that ripped fence, but hey, she can just ignore me and rip a few more vests, eh? Nishishi~

Rantaro: So after Shuuichi fell over, Kaede goes to help him, but as she bends down her pink vest rips. 

Shuuichi: as much as I wanted Kokichi to shut up, I started to suspect he’d just led us around for no reason 

Kokichi: I said to just leave it till tomorrow, but you know detectives and all, those brainy types can’t rest until they’re right, am I right? Haha I am the master of accidental wordplay.

Kaede: I love Rantaro, but if he’d led us through the darkest alleyway ever to propose, I was going to strangle him

Rantaro: But I was also really hungry, so I suggested going across the road for maybe some kfc or something, damn their popcorn chicken is good

Shuuichi: so them Kokichi swears that he’s friends with a seamstress that works down the street

Kokichi: And they begged me to pick the lock! For shame, breaking into an innocents workplace for a case? Nishishi I’d never do such a thing… or would I?

Kaede: and the sign said open! I mean we all thought the clothing store was just open really late, so maybe we could just pay for some thread and leave?

Rantaro: But apparently fixing Kaede’s shirt was more important, and apparently Shuuichi knows how to open locked windows

Kokichi: so after we’re in, ‘nab-taro’ decides to take a hit for the team and pockets the thread

Rantaro: I immediately said we should leave, but I was out voted three to one, so we were all getting in trouble together I guess

Shuuichi: it was bordering three in the morning, and I thought maybe Kokichi was right, I’d come back tomorrow, so I turn to got out the door we opened

Kaede: But as I was holding the money, Shuuichi was holding the thread, and Rantaro was looking through the women’s section, wanted to come back and get something later for one of his sisters, he said. Heaven knows what Kokichi was doing, he was lurking somewhere around the front door near the shelves there

Kokichi: so we all snuck through the back, and now we’re in the store

Kaede: and the poor store owner comes around the corner and sees this, and thinks we’re here to rob him! The poor man fainted 

Shuuichi: Kokichi snuck behind the owner and knocked him out

Kokichi: it was awesome! I mean no it definitely wasn’t. Shuuichi just sort of panicked and knocked the poor guy out with his bare hands! He was muttering to himself about ‘being in so much trouble’ and just staring at his hands for a few minutes.

Rantaro: all I was doing was looking through the sweaters, I thought as long as I have to be here, I may as well prove Kokichi wrong, I _can_ in fact rock a candy pick sweater over a bright yellow tank top, thank you very much

Shuuichi: unfortunately a passer by had seen us and saw the owner fall, and as you know this made us all look like robbers

Kaede: I felt so bad for the man I left the store to get someone to call for help, at the time I didn’t really think about how this would make us look

Kokichi: so we all try to sneak out like stealthy ninjas, but then a homeless man started yelling from an alley, so we had no choice but to run. Sadly for us we didn’t get very far before the police showed up

Rantaro: so then we hid around the back alley, the police showed up soon after

Shuuichi: And now here we are

Kokichi: so that’s why we’re currently here, gentlemen

Kaede: and to think, now we’re here all because of coffee

Rantaro: And so now we’ve ended up here

… …

“What…” the cop rubbed a hand down his face. “What is this nonsense?”

**Author's Note:**

> Congratulations, you’ve made it through my attempt at humour.
> 
> I tried to have all the stories conflict so that they differed but eventually led to the same ending 
> 
> I hope it turned out well, I don’t know how funny it actually is but oh well.
> 
> Anyway, not much else to say.
> 
> Cya next story :)
> 
> Tairulz


End file.
